This time next weekend I will already have been hospitalized and it is virtually all that I can think about.
That’s that, but what about this week? I have finished work, and am at home. The hospital staff told me last week that if I got a cold the operation would be cancelled, or at the very least postponed (and this surgeon is very hard to book).
Naturally, immediately after being told this I get a cold, or at least some discomfort in my chest – which could be psychosomatic, or simply anxiety – and so went to the doctor’s yesterday near my house to get antibiotics just in case.
I actually feel fine; no fever (although the phlegm is not imaginary).
But this morning I read that some surgeons won’t operate if you have even had a cold or sinus problems or anything like that even SIX WEEKS before a procedure, let alone a week.
So do I have to tell the truth? When the anesthesiologist comes to check on me and asks me if I have had any colds, then what should I say?
I HAVE TO GET THIS OPERATION. It has been so hard to set it all up, and the time off has been sorted out with my school, and I just want to get the damned thing over with.
But I also feel trapped, like I shouldn’t leave the house in case I am ‘exposed’ to more bacteria or viruses, this being exactly the season for colds and all the rest as the weather changes, cold and warm, spring trying really hard to drag itself now through the vestiges of winter, but I fear going out into town (we did yesterday, my ‘last day’ if you like ; had a nice meal – but too much wine (stupid! but it helps me to relax and take my mind off the horror, and trust me, last week’s explanations of the procedure in great detail really did sound like horror). I know that this isn’t good though, especially for the immune system,and that I need to be in tip-top shape for next Monday.
The question: if it were you, would you just sequester yourself away at home until the day, to be on the safe side? Or do you think it would be ok for me to go out?
It is my last week before six weeks stuck inside the hospital and then four months of rehabilitation at home. This is my last chance (I can’t walk so well, but with painkillers I can) to get out and feel free: I feel like a ‘last day’ in Yokohama, to just go to the perfume recycle shops because that would give me a boost ; forgive the morbid thinking, I just can’t help it (and any readers out there who feel like just giving me a slap, please do: I know that there are far far far worse situations I could be in – this is ‘just’ my legs) but right now I just feel rather panicked. You should be in my dreams…….
My robe for hospital has been washed and scented heavily with No 19 this morning (because I just had to). My underwear is now being rinsed with lemon and vetiver (because at the very least I am going to do my damnedest not to stink). I have bought and assembled a box of some beautiful essential oils. But should I now just be staying here in the house – Duncan will be free from Friday when his spring break begins – or would it be ok for me to go out? A Japanese person would wear one of those Michael Jackson surgical masks, which about 40% of the population wears here at any given time, and I suppose that I could do, but foreigners look somehow kind of sinister when they do so and in any case I would just feel like a fool. Again, they just make me feel trapped.
Anyone in health care or who has had similar experiences or knows someone who has, I eagerly await your advice. Will I be able to have the operation as scheduled ? Must I stay here in this house like an imprisoned, nervous wreck?