I go into hospital for what I call the ‘filet-o-fish’ bolt removal – the metal nails and plates that were put in during my osteotomies eight years ago to be xylophoned out like a mackerel in order to make way for my total knee replacements in August and November —- this coming Thursday.
A week ago, I started to feel rundown and throaty and was wondering if I might be given a stay of execution I mean reprieve, I mean a postponement of the procedure – but the gung-ho, ultra-positive, trust-inducing surgeon who will be taking out what he himself inserted in 2017 – says I heartily that I am fit enough to go – so Frankenstinian robo removal butchery here I come !
Off par and apprehensive, have been very idle the last few days , just reading the paper, watching Netflix, and smothering myself with perfumes not even getting up from the futon – my darkness and palpitations morphing recently into a calmer, contented, excited state of mind; in particular for perfume. I have been smelling things – just all the amazing perfumes I have in my collection – with added relish and deep aesthetic pleasure and have been truly enjoying, , post shower ( essential for proper perfume testing ) test six or seven perfumes in different places – wrist, back of hand, upper arm- simultaneously, to compare them with each other as they develop and gradate through the day – to see eventually who comes out the winner
Today’s loser was definitely Cardin De Cardin. In the interest of fairness, I found my second 3.5 ml of this recently for about a dollar, thinking I should give it another chance as it couldn’t possibly be as boring as the other times I had tried it.
In fact, as it turns out, I think it was even more boring.
It is possible that the top notes have frayed ; the opening is not so bad in a dull glinty half-hearted fashion in the first boxed extrait I got of this – the second is even more compromised – here are the notes – quite complex – from Fragrantica in case you are interested –
but it very soon progresses (regresses?) to the most generic acrylic tights and hairspray beigey must base – that staid old perfumey smell that could come out of any hairnet strewn chamber where the cobwebs have been gathering, and it reminds me quite a lot me of the final basenotes of vintage Shiseido Zen. What starts off wistfully, green, momentarily elegant and vaguely Kyoto-esque, eventually, on me at least, becomes a dul lukewarm mush of meals on wheels — despair, and grey-follicled cardigans.
I think, in truth, that the competition didn’t help. On the back of my right hand I had a cheap rose oil roll on I bought at the Mustafa Center in Singapore for about two dollars and that I rediscovered last night and found delightful. The hospital has a total edict on perfume – on me in particular – I had an email sent to me showing my reputation has preceded me – the two hospitals are about fifty miles away from each other but the next one is already aware I am a scent terrorist (I don’t think the Bergamot Incident from my last hospitalization did me any favors with all the frowning Head Ratchets. When a 30ml bottle of bergamot essential oil I had kept on my person for lavatorial dignity but which unfortunately emptied itself into my pyjama pockets and down my legs, burning my thighs/, it caused throat-clutching, cheek puffing and and hive-sensitizing biohazard panic among some of the freshly operated and I was admonished for it by the no nonsense Head Nurse the next morning :: but I am fairly confident that a sly dot of this gentle pot pourri with its fresh graceful green notes and gentle calming qualities after a soapy hand wash will surely reinvigorate the olfaction buds nicely – and quietly – when I am in sagging pajama mode, and I am definitely taking it with me furtively in my new black toiletry bag.
Right wrist : an imperfect Armani Pour Femme edt (fine) ; arm was Carven Ma Griffe vintage parfum – always a pleasure, thanks very much mademoiselle; left wrist, vintage Ungaro Diva edp (wow what a beauty with its spiced, chocolatey rose and animal depth; it will never suit me unless I start to dress like Maria Callas, but I did really enjoy re-experiencing it today in all of its effortless, operatic warmth.
Courreges In Blue extrait was the undoubted winner. This is one baroque rose I can pull off – for some reason- it must be all the herbs and marigold freshness – and it has been fuzzing through into my black cashmere sweater unawares this afternoon… oops, the nurses might have to put up with a few subtle whiffs of Andre Courreges rather than the farting sulphur of untreated gum decay and the greasy haired zomb-crew of so many others who will be happier to slide into olfactory neglect instead of this optimistic 1983 Nice Riviera beauty drifting out into the ward like Isabelle Huppert onto the Croisette – oh, how dreadful for them! ! What a pity ! But at least, they won’t be yawning, yawning ! themselves to death , eyes watering from the sheer dullardry ot their weird patient’s eponymous first perfume by Pierre Cardin that would have them dull-eyed and distracted from their jobs, syringeing in the wrong places and unable to tend to their leg sutured nose twitching neurot. No, I will spare them. This is surely one of the blandest, most featureless vintage seventies extrait that I have ever encountered.
Haha! Somewhere on my “perfume bar” I have a tiny mini of Cardin de Pierre that came in one of those compilation perfume coffrets that had scents from the 1970’s era. I have never tried it , but if I come across it, I will so I can compare it to the base of Shiseido’s Zen which I also have (in Parfum and EDT). I like it, but I’m not crazy about its “tameness” or restraint, because it could have been so much more. But I guess that’s why it was called “Zen.” It’s just not my style of scent. although I do wear it every couple of years.
I mean it is fine enough – but I don’t think either of us are quite dowdy enough to pull it off tbh.
If you have a moment I would love to see if you also find it to be a total snoozefest
PS…I wish you good luck and fast healing with the surgery.
Thank you very much x
Good luck with the knees. Sounds very daunting. If you have any such luck, you can add knees and thighs as extra testing spaces and curl up in a ball and have 14 varieties on you at once. Be careful not to test anything repellent while bedridden! I dream of having enough time to revisit all my samples, though not in your circumstances, of course. I’m off to get some Courrèges in Blue, meanwhile. I do love my old Zen—but then, I’m a bit Elnett myself. The Cardin does look good on paper, doesn’t it, though.
Yes – and I do like the white box …
PS I hope you like a bit of spice : Courreges In Blue is glassily epicee under its rose sheeny floral exterior – but it is an absolute mood bolster, stylishly uplifting – do let me know what you think
Good Lord!, and the photo promises so much more that utter boring blandness, no? The woman somehow shielding herself by crossing her arms, yet at the same time looking up wistfully, opening her mouth coyly. And anonymous john has got his remuneration ready in his hand for right after the transaction: cologne for the inevitable bj. Good Lord…!
A hilarious summation of the perfume ad – thank you.
As for the perfume, I WANT it to be more and am hoping some long lost Cardin fan will pipe up and sing its glory
Dear Neil, I wish you the best for what lies ahead of you! Speedy recovery and as Best possible, no pain! Courage!
Thank you very much.
Good luck with the surgery, and trust that you will come out better! No more boring perfumes.
Thanks for the encouragement !
Unfortunately I will come out of this one worse because my walking will be even more difficult without the metal structures in and more painful – but they have to get it out to put the new knees in. It will be quite hard I should think I will not exacerbate things further while wearing Cardin de Cardin
Fun post!
I do hope that the Frankenstinian robo removal butchery goes off much better than it sounds, dear N. One step closer to a pair of gorgeous new knees, so . . .
Just come round from the operation ..
I AM ALIVE !
Wheeeee!! xoxo
.
will it be that in november the final procedures of the knee-arthroplasty have been executed ? I hope you shall come through these hospitalization deeds but especially that in the end you feel better, with less or not at all, bone-on-bone pain. it has lasted eight years I understood and apparently you have always been the Perfume Terrorist … hahahahahaha