Krystle Carrington, in soft-focus dream time, slowly lifts her hair from her pillow.




Her eyelids snap open.





Light furls in through the blinds as she descends the white, spiralling staircase in her ivory colored nightgown; one slipper after the other; her towering, great tent of hair not moving, not an inch.



She is alert. Primed,  somewhere in her gut, for another ferocious, nocturnal encounter.





With Alexis.





Sleepily, Krystle fumbles; switches on the chandelier, glancing quickly about her in the opal landing mirror, trying worriedly to make sense of what is going on, as Blake, finally waking up from a dream about oil, and finding his wife absent, intuitively follows traces of her luminous, phantasmic, skin-oozing scent down the ivoried, cascading staircases towards her.




The perfume she has lovingly applied to her décolletage, before retiring for the evening by her magnificent dresser, that she is trailing, like ropes of plush, silken-cream ribbons, is  Oscar, by Oscar De La Renta:  fulsome, blurred – a magnificently US blockbuster that she emanates from her skin, soft;  womanly and lubricious, as a dream.




Fuzzed. Caressing. Hyper-feminine. Close.




That bottle: that squat, thick stopper……..that suave, and voluptuous, and dense, almost tropically Californian blend of orchid; basil, peachy orange blossom; jasmine, tuberose, and lavender absolute, splayed unselfconsciously, lovingly, over a full, man-dominating, Santa Barbara-goes-oriental base.





Oh, she know exactly how good she smells.





And so she hovers on the landing.




Beatific; unmoved: radiant.






Yet Alexis, standing there, hands on hips, eyes defiant, vilified,  manages to outpower her, again – again, yet AGAIN !-  in the poisonest; the most sugared, powerful,  cloyingest Venus fly trap of a perfume that there ever was:  Oleg Cassini.
















Krystle’s hand begins to lose its grip on the handrail….


Filed under Flowers

18 responses to “HAIR: OSCAR by OSCAR DE LA RENTA (1977)

  1. Deborah Lauri

    Genius Neil! Again you make fragrances come to life sheerly by association…KUDOS!

  2. ginzaintherain

    Thankyou. It is a bit on the camp tip (to put it mildly!) but I feel that Oscar is truly best served by Dynasty. Somehow it wasn’t Sue Ellen, but it WAS Krystle Carrington!

  3. hahaha duel of the divas! Love it! Spent yesterday afternoon spritzing and developed a strange antagonistic obsession for Diorissimo Eau de Parfum. The minute I whiffed it it conjured an overwhelming memory of the taste of rum truffles and a 70s film image of a spoilt brat rich girl in a frilly white dress, ankle socks and little heels, long curly hair with ribbon, kicking her heels in tantrum at being forced to keep her dress clean for the party! The smell alone was something so excessively unsuited to me – heady expensive uber-floral white lily of the valleys – and yet I loved it being on me – total escapism. Another fragrance (forgotten which – will check) had the distinct whiff of pimms and lemonade and an unmistakeable aura of old and new money 80s garden parties – in fact the whole selection on a particular shelf exuded white mansions, lawns, and wide-brim hats…have never smelt Hair, but have a feeling it would somehow vibe with my little samples hier…

  4. Sorry – just realised you’ve reviewed Diorissimo! Hadn’t read that one! Cruel beauty is right – that’s exactly how this figure developed in my mind – as the perfume stayed on me I could see her as a young deb with riding crop – head of the lacrosse team – brisk, friendly with reserve, but ever so cool and detached- soft aristocratic and ‘marble-line …I would never get close to her – the perfume became more and more beautifully alien on my arm – but could admire her status at a distance.

  5. ginzaintherain

    How divine. But you love costume- so it makes perfect sense. That is one of the joys of perfume: even things that are palpably WRONG can be an oneiric, psychological escape hatch…

  6. ginzaintherain

    More, Nina, more. What were those other perfumes? And which shop was it?

  7. Helen

    Hilarious review, and I want a little more on Oleg Cassini if you don’t mind, the scents that make your teeth dissolve in your head always make me laugh. And more from Nina!! wonderfully vivid, loved what you wrote!

  8. brie

    “oh she knows exactly how good she smells….” LOVE IT!!!!

    • This perfume does/did smell fckn good, n’est-ce-pas? A gorgeous thing if ever there was one. And yet: so overdone, so full, so….something.

      But I have to go to bed! You are keeping me up.


      • brie

        Lord…I can honestly smell Oscar now…so vividly…Oh how I wish I had a crystal ball and would have saved just a wee bit of juice in every one of my classic/vintage bottles!!!! So full of floral GORGEOUSNESS!!!!!!

        And what else is new…my “ranting”, Um, I mean commenting, is always keeping you up…you should be used to it by now!

      • I love it. I need that face popping up!

      • brie

        You will ALWAYS see this nutter’s face popping up…you are my “Barbara” now (and I am not referring to “Streisdan” but rather “Herman”)

  9. Still hilarious after all these years!

  10. Rachel Stevens

    That made my day….. Your observations are too perfect.

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