I thought I might be able to avoid feeling this way this year, and it is true that I am nowhere near this time as poisoned. But today, my mental toxicity is high. I have a wonderful life here in Japan on the whole, and I think this usually comes through clearly on a The Black Narcissus.
But pre- entrance exams, though I truly love most of my students, I just start to gradually lose my mind.
My nerves are SHOT.
I am vastly, and violently, irritable.
But I think this crap from last year that I wrote in a fit of expunging my madnesses describes it really much better.
You truly have no idea how f***ed up the work culture is here in this country: the exhaustion that the Japanese put themselves through. And yet, the eternal paradox: the place is fun to live in, he says unconvincingly.
Today I just wanted to commit mass murder….
I have just come in from a Sunday night lesson, the last one before one particular class takes their entrance examination for a prestigious bi-cultural school, and I am feeling guilty and worried: although the other Japanese teachers have been going in every day since November (no: every day, literally every day, poisoning their spirits and bodies), this is the first time this year I have gone in on a Sunday, and that was only because there are two boys who are very borderline and who could really benefit from my lessons and I just couldn’t not: tonight I went through every tense in the English language, did the subjunctive, countable and uncountable nouns, a myriad of linguistic things, until it was 11.10 pm and last trains were looming and their energies were draining and we had to call it a day.
I feel guilty because I should have…
View original post 1,495 more words