I am sorry, but I just can’t think about perfume.



All I can think about is that ridiculous, ludicrous, selfish buffoon, and my country of birth’s stupid, stupid, STUPID decision.



I am furious, eaten up inside, and utterly beside myself with impotent rage.


Filed under Flowers


  1. I completely agree…I was flabbergasted by it and it is not even my country.

    • I am going INSANE. I wrote a blistering mad email to Olivia and she wrote a beautifully long, lucid one back to me that helped me with my feeling for a while and I went to a wedding today by the sea, which was nice (hence the black suit in the picture), but now it is all just coming back again. What the hell is happening this year? It feels like Armageddon to me. Am I overreacting?!

      Much of our family voted to leave as well I think, and my resentment is huge – HUGE !!!!! right now. I have to get over it before I return this summer (not that I actually want to now). I would rather just go to Borneo.

  2. Renee Stout

    I understand you rage as watching gullible and misinformed Americans vote for Donald Trump is making me feel that it’s Armageddon as well. There are definitely parallels, but I doubt that the Trump supporters will learn from what just happened.

  3. Katy

    People never vote with their intellects. They almost always seem to vote with their hearts and most of what we are seeing in England and the United States is a vast dissatisfaction and rage at the current system of governance. People never sit around and talk about how it could be made better, being truly informed would be a good start, but just strike out blindly with their vote and do not seem to work through the ramifications of said decision. I think many people in your country regretted their vote the very next day…..

    • I totally agree. And I agree with this assessment as well. In England, it’s mainly about immigration I think. I understand that as well: human beings have their instincts. But those fucking newspapers…..seriously: they are the reason behind it all.

      • I’m very sorry to hear it. I don’t understand the issues as clearly as I do the upcoming American Presidential election, but I think that if you’re beside yourself, if I were more informed, I would be equally devastated. This world, this world.

      • It’s the immediate economic impact, especially here in Japan, where people are panicking. And the thought of what is going to happen in the future. But for me personally, it’s more a psychological thing. I deplore and despise nationalism more than I can even express: I understand it, perfectly, but I LOATHE AND DETEST IT, UTTERLY.

        I was always an internationally minded child which is why I studied French, Italian and German and lived in Italy. I came to Japan on a whim and stayed. I always try to see things from a plurality of viewpoints ( I understand perfectly why we left, I feel it instinctively, and I even understand the deeply felt desire to ‘bring back’ England, the England/Britain that ‘once was’. In my own way I love the UK very much, particularly the countryside and a certain irreverent spirit of rebellion, which is what I have in spades. But that ‘fuck it’ mentality is also what caused people to vote leave without even properly thinking about it, and is why the UK will just retreat into this little irrelevant place with small-minded people. I personally could see no contradiction with being British AND being European, in fact I loved it. I love the possibilities of it, the sense of freedom to roam, and the fact that I love Europe, itself, in any case.

        In truth, one of the reasons for my anger is purely selfish and personal: D and I fell in love with Berlin in 2009 or so and managed to scrape enough money together along with loans to buy ourselves an apartment there. The plan has been to stay in Japan for a while and then eventually relocate there, or at the very least have a sabbatical. Although the fascist neo-Nazis lurk at the edges of Brandenburg, Berlin itself is an art haven of creativity, liberalism and is also very cheap. Our neighbourhood, Schoenberg, is wonderful, and very diverse: I LIKE that kind of environment. We were looking forward to it. But now, we might not even be able to live there – I don’t know how it is going to work, but it certainly won’t be as it would have been. We would have had access to health care, could have just lived there like any other EU citizen, but now we probably won’t.
        It’s like having the future cordoned off; I feel psychologically blocked, severed, and truncated by other people’s blinkered idiocy.

  4. It’s as if a drug prompting madness and xenophobia has been dropped into the world’s water supply. Absolutely unbelievable and terrifying. Ugh.

    • It’s certainly interesting to see the whole thing from a variety of perspectives. I always knew intuitively though that ‘we’ would leave, because I am from small England, and I know exactly how those minds work. EXACTLY.

  5. After reading your reply, I understand much more how you feel about all this. Oh, my dear. Very sad indeed. And angering. Exasperating. Worrisome, too. I confess to being such a naïve Canadian Anglophilic romantic (whose actual brushes with England consist of a few hours in Gatwick and Heathrow airports); I think of Charlotte Brontë and Anita Brookner and faded chintz upholstery, Yardley soap, roses down a gravel path, the sea in the distance past rolling farmland dotted with woolly sheep, tea and scones and homemade jam and the good china. James Herriot. Maggie Smith and Judi Dench in Ladies in Lavender. Toby Stephens in BBC’s Jane Eyre. So at first I thought, all right, the vote is in, they want out, what do I know, I suppose they want to have the good olde charming peaceful pastoral days back, who can blame them, the world’s a mess. Now I get it.
    At the VERY least, I hope Berlin works out for you and Duncan, somehow.

    • But I love all those things, too, and they still do, totally, exist to be honest.
      And I understand people’s desire to preserve all that as every culture wants feel its culture is there somewhere, intact. But this drastic, illogical way is not the way to go about it!

      • Yes, truly, I know what you’re saying, and it struck me that there is no such thing as merely going back to a quieter, simpler, more traditional time, even if those charming bits are still part of the whole : it’s just a misguided and ugly step backWARD. The small/narrow-minded xenophobic aspect of it really is disturbing. Oh, Neil.

  6. Iuno feronia

    I am very sorry for the British People who wanted to stay in the EU but I think the votum of the majority has to be respected and the politicians have to get the Art 50 procedure going. I started to cry when I hard the decision – I am a “Pro-EU” from the very first beginning and I am working in the field of the European Law – but the other people of the members of the European Union on the other hand should refuse to be blackmailed by lying populists from every country, not only Great Britain.

  7. All just such a dreadful situation. I really do not feel that many people truly knew what they were voting for. The were voting with their ignorance and stupidity and sadly it was the older generation that did it. So now the most short lived group have mucked it up for everyone else. Those who will be living with this decision the longest have to pay a hefty Prince. A true tragedy of our times.
    I am so sorry about your apartment in Berlin. I do hope their will be a way for you to enjoy your lives there somehow. I really am terrified of what is to come here in the states in November. I can only hope there are enough intelligent people to offset the Trump supporters and the militant Bernie camp. These truly are some tragic times we are living in. I guess the only country who made a sage decision was Canada with Trudeau.

  8. David

    I’m selfish, too. I lost a bit of money on my investments last week. I’m shocked people would willingly vote away their options to live/work in other countries. I don’t understand nationalism at all. I think it is so limiting. Is my lack of understanding because I’m selfish?that I only care about having options in my life?
    I’ve been reading that the immigration laws aren’t going to change overnight . Maybe you could temporarily go to Berlin to establish residency and facilitate the process to duel nationality? I only suggest this because that is what some Brazilian friends had to do to get Italian citizenship….. but their case was based on ancestory.
    2016– it’s been the worst year ever.

    • It’s been an absolute shocker! And sorry to hear about your investments and thank you for the advice. We are still too entrenched in our lives here in Japan with no immediate plan to leave for quite a while – it was just a way of bringing us back closer to Europe now that our parents are getting older. It’s a shame, really, that neither of us wants to live in our ‘own’country! From a very young age, though, I always had an international spirit, and never wanted to be limited by the Union Jack. I like being English by birth AND being in loads of other places as well. Like you, I can’t understand nationalism. It’s for the thickos.

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