A gloom has descended as the rainy season begins; we are energyless; listless, this weekend, after the return to work. It has been more positive and energising than I anticipated, if fraught and suffocating in all the headgear -but  on Friday I was so zoned out, blasé :  I felt almost as if I no longer existed.



















Just been to the local shops for provisions.








Cakes.  Condensation, like rain, on the refrigerator.







I love custard, and could not resist.























Had to stop to take a picture of these roses.






But can you believe that I forgot to smell them?





















Even the cat has picked up the melancholy.



























We were supposed to be going to the Black Lives Matter march in Tokyo this afternoon, which a lot of our Tokyoite friends are attending; but have decided to donate instead. I feel guilty, but after all this quarantining and caution, the thought of crowds shouting and mingling when the coronavirus is still circulating up there  – right in the centre of the city, especially Shinjuku, the area we go to the most – is just too daunting. Call me a coward.































These are the magnolias I mentioned the other day.










I took these pictures on Thursday – I got there just in time. Now most of them are decomposing on the branch.













Filed under autobiography, Flowers, JAPAN PHOTOGRAPHY, this is not a perfume review

20 responses to “rain

  1. Georgia Kossifou

    Love today’s post as it perfectly puts into words how I’m feeling…💜

  2. matty1649

    I don’t think you are a coward not going into crowded places after all the quarantining. You are just being sensible.

  3. Tara C

    I love the feel of this post. The flowers are gorgeous and who can resist custard cakes? Good call on skipping the protest.

    • I wouldn’t say ‘good call’ exactly. At least not personally. It sounds a tad flippant. At least for me: Japan needs people to say something, and I wasn’t there.

      The thing is, obviously, anyone who comes down with the virus is potentially in danger of death – as we all know – or else may just skirt the margins and be fine, asymptomatic etc.

      Tokyo is also nothing compared to New York or London, so I am literally AM being pathetic in being scared to attend a rally. D felt the same, though.

      Everyone has different health complications and situations – my own is kind of complicated. I am energetic and fine, myself, but my leg situation is kind of precarious. I cycle regularly and try to maintain exercise post operation, but I am very aware that if I let up my knees basically deteriorate very quickly. If I were bed bound, I would basically be unable to walk fairly quickly.

      But these are all just scared excuses.

      Racism is vile. I have encountered it in people way too much in my life, from childhood onwards. If there had been no corona situation there is no doubt that we would have been there. We have marched before in Tokyo –

      • There is so much ongoing work that needs to be done beyond protesting, and donating will help in a tangible way, so in my mind it’s a better option, all things considered.

      • I thought so. Still felt a pang seeing social posts yesterday by friends, but my terror of the virus is stronger than any other consideration right now. The resurgence in Shinjuku – I have forbidden D to go up there for the foreseeable future (he was going practically every week before to meet his friend Yukiro for film editing; Y’s flatmate actually works in the hostess industry in precisely the place where the new outbreaks are happening. The protests yesterday did seem to have some social distancing and people were wearing masks, but still. Can’t deal with being up there yet!

    • PS Can you believe that I only bought ONE of those cakes and then we shared it? D does not approve of gluttony.

  4. The flowers are beautiful. I have felt melancholy for the past three months ever since the quarantine for Covid-19 began here. Now we have opened up Yesterday on Facebook I saw that all my friends were reveling in an area where I always went to hear live music. There still is no live music in clubs but some outside. My friends never asked me to join them, but even if they had, I am not sure I would have gone. Nothing really has changed as far as the virus but now people are acting like it’s gone, which it isn’t,

    • In the US that seems too dangerous to me – it is the same in the UK. I suppose people have just had enough. But even so.

      Are you in the mood for going out? I wasn’t, as you know. I was hardcore in home mode – three whole months with D, and we had our own life and rhythms, even if I felt constantly in dread of the next online lessons (doing them live is so much better – I hated being ‘disseminated’ online). Going back out into the world has been quite enlivening for me but exhausting at the same time. It is very interesting how we work as social animals with our individual introversion/extroversion ratios. I know how much you love live music, though – and I hope that you do get to go and see some soon, in a safe environment. It will probably do you the world of good.

  5. WHAT is that spectacular flower at the start of your post? It looks a bit like a white hydrangea I have, which is named Fuji Waterfall, but with flowers bunched together. So beautiful! I’m sorry your week has been so weird. Here in my city, the protests continue and have been inflamed by another death at police hands. Seriously, if we don’t get regime change this November, I may have to reconsider my country of residence, as much as I hate to even think that.

  6. Robin

    For some reason, and I don’t know why — perhaps simply their beauty — these photos really got to me. The sense of place is extraordinary. I really connected. But my god, you weren’t 100% yourself if you didn’t bend your nostrils down to those roses! Are the magnolias the big, fabulously-scented ones? The light/exposure, the subtlety of shape and shade captured, is so satisfying to gaze at, get lost in.

    • Thanks Robin. I certainly did smell those.

      And it occurred to me afterwards that I may possibly have cursorily begun to put my nose near the roses but then an old couple came along and I felt self conscious. I didn’t actually get to smell them. I might have forgotten. I am HAMMERED by going back to work! And I didn’t feel able to put up a post but then I felt like these photos had real atmosphere. I am glad that came through.

      Hope all is good with you

  7. Your photos moved me so much, so artful and aesthetically pleasing. I know you feel bad for not going to the protests, but I understand the fear. I cannot go to any protests, so I have been donating online. The cause needs funds to fulfill its purpose, so every little bit helps.
    The rainy season always strikes me as a time too just be on autopilot, it would get very melancholy for me as well, although I do love the rainy months here during spring.
    Just keep eating delicious custard cakes. Custard makes all things more bearable.

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