the perversity of being

We both admitted to each other this evening that Sunday, when we could hardly move, felt shit, ached all over, were extremely sensitive to the touch, had light fevers (soup and food had been made in anticipation of this eventuality, expecting inertia)(; slight headaches, little energy, extreme light sensitivity (his iPhone light you see blinding the way above to read his book – Gabor Mate’s When The Body Says No – The Cost Of Hidden Stress; I hardly dare read it, being a deep down recipient ; I myself am re-reading Patrick Suskind’s Perfume, forgetting just how amazingly potent it all is – the last time was thirty years ago, I think on The Spanish Steps):

this fourth vaccination – Pfizer, the first time (necessary ? who knows anymore , you tell me: I have lost the thread : we haven’t discussed Covid, and neither have you: I think we both have had it, back in August; we don’t know for sure, but hasn’t everyone ? )

– but in any case; despite or probably because of, the sheer utterly relaxed, inescapable, nestlike horizontality – the gorgeousness of the faithful house cat most definitely helped in this regard; she mops by your side; sidles up to either one

– where you couldn’t argue or fight; be particularly bothered by the continuing horrors of the world ( newspapers were tried to be read limply ; but dropped like warm lettuce ); nor care about any drama of any kind, but simply exist, en absoluto, from minute to minute, stretching to hours – into night

– made this, possibly, each of our favorite day of this year


Filed under Flowers

11 responses to “the perversity of being

  1. Isn’t it “perverse” that the mind feels like it’s ok to relax only when the body absolutely demands it?

    • You tell me.

      I am still trying to understand it.

      • I think I first saw this described in the book “Wintering” by Katherine May, the idea that it’s easier to feel justified in abandoning work etc when physically sick and incapable. However, when simply burned out or stressed, it feels like failure somehow, or selfishness. I’ve found it to be true for me as well, although I don’t claim to understand it either!

  2. Funny.
    I just passed a copy of Patrick Suskind’s Perfume in the local used bookstore. The new cover is quite the conglomeration. I first read it in the original German while going to university in San Francisco. Loved it, was a bit disappointed with the movie.
    Two shots of the J&J were enough for me. Having had Covid in December 2020 (prior to vaccination) I found the vaccine worse as far as body aches and fatigue than the actual virus.
    Hope Y’all are feeling better.

    • We are, thanks – but if it we did have in August, this vaccine was definitely not far behind ( having said that, d was really quite weak for a week but was already on holiday ; i just personally couldn’t BEAR to give up my holiday so just ‘soldiered through ‘ it, knowing I am much more bacterial than viral from experience

    • But as you know I am talking more about what it means to ENJOY being immobile : where you literally can’t do anything

      life is hideously on the go from morning to night ( for most people ); it was so nice on this occasion being supine for so many hours, so utterly contentedly

      While reading Das Parfum I was also wondering how it must read in the original Deutsch ( I did it for five years in school but couldn’t read it ); the beginning is so DISGUSTINGLY FOUL in English, all the fish markets and rotting cemeteries etc I can’t even imagine how filthy ripe it must read in the original text.

      The film was obviously a let down but I think it also worked

    • OnWingsofSaffron

      Had my fourth BionTech months ago. Same with the flu shot. Didn‘t feel a thing, not even the spot on the arm where I got the injection. I kept wondering, did it work at all? Seeing we never got Covid nor the flu, I guess it did!
      I‘m sick & tired of it all, and I aware that I am starting to forget to take along a mask (still compulsory on busses and trains here in North Rhine-Westphalia) more and more. People are increasingly boycotting the mask on public transport, and indeed Bavaria and some other Länder have stopped altogether which doesn’t boost the morale to having to wear one here…

      • I have been getting more and more fuck it and lax as well – enough is enough. Japan is pretty heavy with the silent pressure though and on the bus, though I sometimes let it slip for a few minutes, you basically will just feel terrible. The other day there was some poor ridiculous woman who had obviously forgotten her mask and then sat with her hands covering her breathing holes for the entire duration of the twenty minute journey. Oh the social shame!

  3. Hanamini

    My fourth vaccine passed with nothing more than a sore arm, but my husband was laid low for a few days. Hope it passes, while also hoping you have more supine days. I haven’t had one for many years, or indeed decades, but I vow to, soon. The effects of stress are real, I can vouch for it, and yet I too don’t do the things I need to to alleviate it. Meanwhile, I loved Perfume so much I couldn’t even bring myself to watch the movie in case it disappointed. Now I’m inspired to reread it as well as that stress book. Might spur me to take a day off on my back, and just READ.

    • The movie was a movie – most definitely a disappointment, and now I can only see Dustin Hoffman each time I read about Baldini. But wow – you remember the basic plot but now the utter DRENCHING in perfume you get from this novel – what genius! (and yes, if you do have the chance to just slob out and enter another world then definitely do – those that are susceptible to stress NEED to be able to do this……)

      I am almost too scared to read the Gabor Mate book, but D says that it is absolutely amazing.

      We both feel much better and are back to normal. x

  4. Just came out of the booster fug. Highly recommend child dose of chewable benadryl (antihistamine) and 500 strength ibuprofen. You will fall asleep and wake up weak but blissfully content to be pain free…

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